📖 SECOND EDITION — Now on Amazon

You
Suck at
Golf
(And It Has Nothing to Do With Your Swing)

Your swing isn't the problem. Your decisions are.

No swing changes. No new equipment. Just better decisions — applied from your very next hole.

Rebuilt as 18 holes. Par 72. Sixteen yardage-book diagrams. Because a golf book should add up.

You Suck at Golf book cover
18
THE EGO AND THE DRIVER ALWAYS LEAVING IT SHORT THE HERO SHOT LAY UP? NEVER HEARD OF IT THREE PUTTS. AGAIN. WRONG CLUB. AGAIN. MISSING ON THE WRONG SIDE THE 19TH HOLE EXCUSE THE EGO AND THE DRIVER ALWAYS LEAVING IT SHORT THE HERO SHOT LAY UP? NEVER HEARD OF IT THREE PUTTS. AGAIN. WRONG CLUB. AGAIN. MISSING ON THE WRONG SIDE THE 19TH HOLE EXCUSE

You Can Actually Hit the Ball.
So Why Are You Shooting 94?


Most golfers spend thousands on lessons, equipment, and range balls chasing a fix for a swing that isn't broken. The real problem is the 18 decisions you make every single round — most of them driven by ego, habit, and pure wishful thinking.

This book doesn't fix your swing. It fixes your brain. Chapter by chapter, it calls out every expensive, ego-driven, habitually repeated mistake recreational golfers make — and then it tells you exactly how to stop making them.

Written like a brilliant playing partner who's finally had enough of watching you do the same dumb things. Think Tarantino wit meets golf instruction.

"For every golfer who has ever blamed the greens.

You know who you are."
The Dedication 254 pages. 18 holes, the Turn, and the 19th Hole — par 72, with Field Work at the end of every hole and sixteen tour-style yardage-book diagrams. Available now on Amazon.

What’s New in the Second Edition

📐

Sixteen Yardage-Book Diagrams

Tour-style, black-and-white, drawn like a caddie’s book — the exact decisions costing you strokes, mapped hole by hole. The hero line and the smart line, side by side, with the math printed on the page.

🌦️

The Conditions Card

Rain, wind, heat, cold, firm, soft — one screenshot-ready reference card that tells you what the ball will do and what you should do about it. Between clubs in any of them? The longer one. Always.

🍺

The Turn & The 19th Hole

The book is now a full round: a front nine for your brain, a back nine for the course, a hot dog at the Turn, and a proper debrief at the 19th — where the five classic excuses finally get what they deserve.

“I’m in this book against my will.”
— ERIK MATTHEWSON, PGA PROFESSIONAL

18 Holes. Par 72. Zero Fluff.

A front nine for the game between your ears. A back nine for when the course fights back. Every hole ends with Field Work — plus a hot dog at the Turn and a debrief at the 19th.

THE FRONT NINE · THE GAME BETWEEN YOUR EARS
01

The Ego and the Driver

Why you don’t always need to crush it. The most expensive club in your bag is also the one you love the most.

⛳ Field Work Included
02

The Risk-Reward Dilemma

The 7-out-of-10 rule, the go/no-go zone, and the math your brain refuses to run while you’re standing on the tee.

⛳ Field Work Included
03

Know Thyself

Your Personal Scorecard, your real distances, and a loving but firm intervention about who you actually are on a golf course.

⛳ Field Work Included
05

Club Selection

You always leave it short. Stop that. Pin Plus Five lives here, and it will quietly fix half your approach shots.

⛳ Field Work Included
06

The Art of the Layup

Laying up isn’t surrender — it’s aggression with a plan. Ninety-five is a full number. Swing all the way through it.

⛳ Field Work Included
07

The Short Game Saves the Day

The bump-and-run, the brutal arithmetic of scoring, and the chart showing exactly where your strokes go to die.

⛳ Field Work Included
08

Putting

Speed first. Line second. The three-foot circle is the target — the cup is a bonus. Three-putts start forty feet away.

⛳ Field Work Included
09

Scrambling Like a Champion

The Two-Question Test, the sideways corridor out of the trees, and the noble art of turning disaster into bogey.

⛳ Field Work Included
THE TURN
T

The Turn

Grab a hot dog. Check the front-nine card. A halftime talk before the course starts fighting back.

THE BACK NINE · THE COURSE FIGHTS BACK
10

Playing the Right Tees

The 25x rule, Gary and the lemmings, and the tee box where the game the architect actually drew is waiting for you.

⛳ Field Work Included
11

Knowing the Course

The hole is talking — here’s the transcript. The width, the bait, the door, and the slopes. Read them all before you swing.

⛳ Field Work Included
12

Par 3s, 4s, and 5s

Respect. Position. Patience. Three words, three hole types, one scorecard that finally takes care of itself.

⛳ Field Work Included
13

Weather, Lies, and Conditions

Adjust or suffer. Home of the Conditions Card — the reference page you’ll screenshot and keep in your phone forever.

⛳ Field Work Included
14

Escaping Trouble

Trees are 90% air the way slot machines are 90% payout. The corridor, the keyhole, and jail math that actually adds up.

⛳ Field Work Included
15

Match Play vs Stroke Play

Same hole. Opposite answers. Both correct. Two formats, two brains — and an end to losing money to your buddies.

⛳ Field Work Included
16

Golf Etiquette as Course Management

Ready golf, tempo, and the strokes you lose before the club ever moves. Being easy to play with is a scoring skill.

⛳ Field Work Included
17

Why You Keep Making the Same Dumb Mistakes

Your brain is lying to you about your own game. The Patterns page, the post-round audit, and the ten-second fix.

⛳ Field Work Included
THE CLUBHOUSE

The Moments That Will Stick With You

🎖️

Major James Nesmeth

Golf books have told this one for decades — the POW who visualized his way to a 74 — and the first edition of this book told it too. The second edition does something braver: it tells you which parts are legend, which parts are documented, and why the real, verified science of visualization is more useful to your game than the myth ever was. Still the centrepiece of the mental management chapter — now with its receipts.

🏀

Richardson, 1967 — The Real Study

The famous "visualization study" quoted in a thousand locker rooms turns out to be academic folklore — nobody can find it. The research that actually exists — Alan Richardson's 1967 free-throw experiments — found mental practice genuinely improves performance, no magic required. This edition swaps the legend for the receipts, and your pre-shot routine gets better for it.

Dustin Johnson's Greatest Quote

"The most important thing to hit a fade is to make sure you fade it." It sounds almost ridiculous. It is also one of the most useful things ever said about committing to a golf shot. It anchors the 19th Hole — and you will think about it every single time you stand over the ball.

Words to Play By

"Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening — and it is without doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented."
— Arnold Palmer
"We all make decisions. But in the end, our decisions make us."
— Tiger Woods
"Success in golf depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character."
— Arnold Palmer
"The most important thing to hit a fade is to make sure you fade it."
— Dustin Johnson

Which Golf Decision Disaster Are You?

8 questions. Brutally accurate results. Send it to the group chat and watch friendships strain.

Question 1 of 8
You're 210 yards out on a par 5. There's water short-right. What do you do?
Question 2 of 8
You hit a great drive. The yardage says 155 to the pin. What club do you pull?
Question 3 of 8
You're standing even par through 14 holes. What's going through your head on the 15th tee?
Question 4 of 8
Your ball is in the rough behind a tree. You have a 20% chance of pulling off the escape shot. What do you do?
Question 5 of 8
You three-putted the last hole from 18 feet. What do you tell yourself walking to the next tee?
Question 6 of 8
There's 20 mph wind directly in your face. How does this change your club selection?
Question 7 of 8
You just made a double bogey. How do you describe it after the round?
Question 8 of 8
Be honest. Why do you think you're not scoring as well as you should be?

Enter Your Last Round.
Shaun Will Judge It.

Put in your stats. Get a personalised breakdown of exactly where your round fell apart and why it was entirely your fault.

🏌️ Your Round — Honest Stats Only

SHAUN'S VERDICT

Golf Decision Glossary

The terms every golfer uses. Defined honestly, for the first time.

Hero Shot
noun
A shot attempted with 20% realistic probability and 100% unearned confidence. Typically executed from an unplayable lie, over water, with a fairway wood, into a headwind, on hole 14 when the round was otherwise salvageable.
"I had a great round going until the hero shot on 12." — Every golfer. Every week.
The Lay-Up
noun · frequently misunderstood
An act of strategic intelligence so frequently confused with cowardice that an entire chapter of this book had to be dedicated to explaining it. The lay-up is not giving up. The lay-up is choosing a shot you can actually execute over a shot you can only imagine.
"I laid up." Said by winners. Consistently.
Decision Management
noun · what this book is about
The practice of making intelligent decisions on a golf course based on your actual skill level, the actual conditions, and the actual risk involved — rather than the skill level you believe you have on your best day in ideal conditions when you're feeling it.
The thing you are not doing. Hence the book.
Bad Bounce
noun · see also: "Excuse"
A result that was entirely predictable given the shot selection, lie, club choice, and execution — but which the golfer attributes to random cosmic interference rather than the four bad decisions that preceded it.
"That was such a bad bounce." It was not a bad bounce.
Lag Putting
noun · the unsexy solution
The practice of rolling a long putt to within a comfortable tap-in distance rather than attempting to hole it and leaving yourself a terrifying comebacker. Statistically the single most impactful skill in recreational golf. Practised almost never.
If you three-putt more than twice a round, you need this more than you need anything else in this glossary.
The Greens Were Awful
phrase · post-round, 19th hole
A statement made by golfers who three-putted seven times on surfaces that everyone else in the group found perfectly reasonable. Functions as the primary deflection mechanism of the recreational golfer's post-round debrief. Often followed by "I was reading them perfectly, they just weren't rolling true."
The greens were not awful. They were the same greens everyone else played.
Swing Change
noun · the eternal project
An ongoing modification to a golfer's swing that has been in progress for between three and eleven years, is always cited as the reason for the most recent bad round, and is expected to be complete "just a few more rounds from now." The swing change is the golf equivalent of a renovation that never ends.
"I'm in the middle of a swing change." — Said golfer has a 22 handicap and has not improved since the Obama administration.
GIR
acronym · Green in Regulation
Reaching the green in the number of strokes that leaves two putts for par. The single most honest measurement of ball-striking quality available to a recreational golfer. Hitting 4 or more per round is the threshold between a golfer who has a plan and one who is improvising from hole to hole and calling it a strategy.
Track yours for three rounds. Whatever the number is, it explains everything about your handicap.
The Nuclear Option
phrase · 19th hole, last resort
The final post-round excuse deployed only when all other deflections have been exhausted: "At least we had fun." Cannot be argued with. Ends all accountability permanently. Chapter 11 of this book is dedicated entirely to its proper deployment.
"At least we had fun." Nobody has ever followed this with a productive conversation about decision-making.

Stupid Questions.
Honest Answers.

Real questions from real golfers. Answered with the patience of a man who has watched people chunk the same shot seventeen weeks in a row and still refuse to take one club more. You're welcome.

Q.

"I'm a 14 handicap and I keep going for par 5s in two. My buddies say I should lay up but it feels like giving up. Who's right?" — Dave R., Phoenix AZ

Shaun

Dave. You are a 14 handicap. You know what a 14 handicap means? It means you make bogey, on average, on roughly half the holes you play. On a par 5. In two.

Let me paint you a picture. You rip a driver — great, 240 down the middle. Now you've got 220 left to a green guarded by a bunker, a false front, and your own complete lack of self-awareness. You pull the 3-wood. You chunk it 160. Now you're in the rough with 60 yards to a tucked pin and a chip yip that's been getting worse since 2019.

Your buddies are right. I know that hurts. It should. Laying up isn't giving up — it's choosing a shot you can actually hit over a shot you can imagine hitting. Those are very different things and I need you to understand the difference before you play another round.

⛳ Bottom Line: Lay up. Make birdie. Feel better about yourself.
Q.

"I always seem to come up short on approach shots. I hit the right yardage but still miss the green short. What's going on?" — Mike T., Denver CO

Shaun

Mike. I'm going to tell you something that is going to sound insulting but is actually a gift: you do not hit the club as far as you think you do.

Nobody does. I've played with scratch golfers who genuinely believe they carry their 7-iron 175 and then wonder why they're always in the front bunker. You know what they actually carry? 158. On a good strike. With wind. Downhill.

Here's the other thing — the yardage on the marker is to the middle of the green. That pin that's cut in the back-right? It's 12 yards further than the number you're using. Add that up. That's why you're short.

Go to the range with a rangefinder. Hit ten balls with each club. Average the carries. Write them down. Use those numbers on the course like the adult golfer you are trying to become.

⛳ Bottom Line: Take more club. Every single time.
Q.

"I play fine on the range but completely fall apart on the course. My swing just disappears under pressure. Help." — Tony K., Las Vegas NV

Shaun

Tony. The range has no consequences. Nobody is watching. There is no water. There is no out of bounds. There is no $5 Nassau on the line and no Dave making pointed eye contact every time you address the ball.

The range isn't golf. It's golf's waiting room. And you've been confused about which one you're actually good at.

Here's what's happening: the moment stakes exist, your brain floods with swing thoughts, and your body tries to execute all of them simultaneously. The result is exactly what you described. Nothing.

The fix isn't a swing change. It's a pre-shot routine you run every single time, on the range and on the course, until your brain stops treating them as different activities. Commit to one target. One shot shape. One breath. Then swing. Chapter 6 of the book breaks this down using a Vietnam POW who shot a 74 on pure visualization. I promise that's more dramatic than your range problem.

⛳ Bottom Line: Same routine. Every shot. No exceptions.
Q.

"What do you say to someone who blames equipment for their bad round? My playing partner does this every single week." — Rick S., Chicago IL

Shaun

Rick. You say nothing. You hand him a sleeve of balls, you smile, and you collect the money after 18 holes.

The man who blames his equipment is the most financially generous playing partner you will ever have. He is never going to fix the actual problem — which is the six inches between his ears — because he has successfully outsourced the blame to an inanimate object that cannot argue back. His Titleist Pro V1s have heard things that would make a therapist charge double.

The equipment is not the problem. It has never been the problem. Adam Scott can shoot 68 with blades from 2003. Your buddy is shooting 97 with $600 irons fitted by a specialist at the local golf superstore. The clubs are fine. The club selector is the issue.

But again — say nothing. Let him buy new equipment. Let him blame that too. You're winning money either way.

⛳ Bottom Line: The clubs are innocent. They always are.
Q.

"How do I stop three-putting? It's absolutely killing my scores and I don't know what I'm doing wrong." — Sarah M., Austin TX

Shaun

Sarah. You are three-putting because you are treating every putt like a make-or-die situation instead of a speed problem. And those are very different challenges.

From outside 20 feet, your only job is to get the ball within three feet of the hole. Not in the hole. Near the hole. That's it. That's the entire assignment. The moment you start trying to make a 35-footer is the moment you start leaving yourself 8 feet past with a slippery left-to-righter coming back.

Stop looking at the hole. Pick a spot the size of a dinner plate around the hole. Put the ball in that plate. If it goes in, you're a genius and drinks are on you. If it doesn't, you've got a tap-in and your playing partners are bored before you even set up.

Lag putting. Not hole hunting. It's the most unsexy concept in golf and it will save you six shots every single round.

⛳ Bottom Line: Lag first. Make putts happen. Stop hunting.
Q.

"I had the round of my life going — shooting even through 14 — then completely imploded on the back three. How do I close out a good round?" — Dan P., San Diego CA

Shaun

Dan. What happened on hole 15 is that you stopped playing golf and started doing math. You looked at your scorecard, calculated what you needed, and your brain — which had been beautifully quiet for 14 holes — decided it was time to get involved.

That is the single most expensive moment in recreational golf. The second you become aware of the score, you stop playing the shot in front of you and start playing the number. And the number cannot be hit. There's no grip for it. There's no stance.

I have one rule for closing out a round: do not look at your scorecard after hole 12. Not once. Play holes 13 through 18 like they're the opening holes of a new round. Same pre-shot routine. Same targets. Same pace. The score will be whatever it is when you get to the 18th green. You cannot manage it into existence by thinking about it.

The whole chapter on this is chapter 10. Read it before your next round. You're welcome in advance.

⛳ Bottom Line: Stop doing math on the golf course. It never helps.

Got a Question for Shaun?

Ask anything. No question is too stupid. Some will be featured right here — answered with the full force of a +4.9 handicap, a military tour, and an extremely limited tolerance for excuses.

Shaun Colquhoun
Shaun Colquhoun
Author · +4.9 Handicap · Las Vegas
US Army Veteran +4.9 Handicap UNLV PGM Golf Academy of America Playing Since Age 6 Las Vegas

The Guy Who's Finally Saying It


Shaun Colquhoun is a US Army infantry veteran who was injured in the line of duty, a +4.9 handicap golfer, a PGA Golf Management student at UNLV, and a graduate of both the Golf Academy of America and the Professional Golfers Career College.

He has been playing golf since the age of six, taught by his grandfather in Long Beach, California. He is based in Las Vegas — which means he has watched more recreational golfers make more expensive decisions on more high-stakes courses than almost anyone alive.

He wrote this book because he loves the game, respects every player who shows up, and has simply had enough of watching good people shoot terrible scores for entirely preventable reasons.

(It’s pronounced “kə-HOON.” And whether you spell it Shaun, Sean, or Shawn Colquhoun — he answers to all three. The scorecard only cares about the number.)

+4.9
Handicap
254
Pages
18
Holes · Par 72
16
Yardage-Book Diagrams

Early Reactions

HCP: 16
★★★★★

"I read chapter three and immediately thought of every single Sunday for the past six years. I'm both deeply offended and a noticeably better golfer. I hate this book. Please write another one."

Dave M.
Insurance adjuster · Weekend warrior
HCP: 22
★★★★★

"My husband bought this for me as a joke. I shot an 88 the following weekend. He is no longer permitted to discuss his game in this house."

Sarah K.
Accountant · Also now the better golfer
HCP: 9
★★★★☆

"Look, I knew most of this already. But reading it this bluntly made me actually stop doing it. Four stars because I still tried the hero shot on 17 last week. The book did warn me."

Tom R.
Self-proclaimed scratch golfer (he is not)

Stop Playing Stupid Golf.

Available now in hardcover and ebook on Amazon. 254 pages. 18 holes. Par 72. No swing changes. Lower scores start on your very next hole.